Trouble is my middle name. It is that or I don't know what it is..

As it always does, this phone starts to ring when I was sleeping . It would seem that people checked with each other to find out if I was sleeping and deliberately woke me up the moment I dozed off after a hard day. How would you like it if you were shaken out of your reverie by the squealing of a phone, when you just about closed your eyes after about half an hour of scraping, rubbing, twitching and tossing in the bed. Needless to say to say, I was mad and almost smashed the phone on my head. Slamming the phone on your heads is helpful in two ways....1] it stops the bally thing from screaming and 2] for the anesthetic effect of a solid blow on the head leaves you out cold for a few hours.

I picked up the phone and muttered wearly,

"Hello? "

"Govinda raj"

"No, this is Venu raj, I mean Venugopal"

"I know that. And that is why I dialled your number, you idiot."

"Then don't call me Govinda raj. Call me Venu, if you don't mind."

"Eda, this is Govinda raj. I am back in trivandrum."


Jeeeeeezzzz, it was Govindan. And nobody warned me that he was in town.


" I called Cherian and he told me he was in a conference and may not be able to get out for the next two days. Said he would call me as soon as he could, that is, if he ever could. And Hrishi told me he was suffering from arthritis of the tongue and may not be able to speak for a few days. He promised to get back as soon as he was able to speak. Speak legibly, that is".


Which left me at his mercy for the next few days until he left town. Every time Govinda raj came down to trivandrum for a holiday, we would all get together, have a few round of drinks and get into some trouble. It never failed to happen. It had become such a regular feature of our meetings that everyone fled out of town at the mention of Govindan's name. I had to do some quick thinking and came up with,

"Hi Govinda, good to hear from you. Iam driving my car, reached Kollam, on my way to Kollappuzha, I mean Alappuzha. Don't know when I am going to get back. Will call you when I do. Bye".

"Why are you going to Kollappuzha..er ..Alappuzha?"

"My niece is getting married"

"You mean, your sister's daughter?"

" I couldn't call my sister's son my niece, now, could I?"

"You have only one sister, right?"

"That is what my father told me and it has never occurred to me that he lied to me."

"The last time I came down, she had only two sons. Now, in two years, she has not only had a daughter but she is getting married as welll, eh?"


I swallowed a few gallons of air and let out a long breath. It took me a while to empty myself of all that gas, and in the meanwhile I did some slow thinking as well, since the quick thinking I did earlier did not produce the desired results.

"He, he heh", My thinking was real slow.

"You sound like a donkey going hee haw, hee haw. Why, you even behave like one. Iam standing right outside your house from where I can see your car, which you said you were driving, in the carshed. I have seen technology progress a lot, but I never thought I would see a man drive his car and the car still stay in the same place. In your case, the carshed."

"He heh". It was still so slow that you would think I wasn't thinking at all

"Now come out and open the door. "

"I have two cars. And Iam not driving the car that is parked in the carshed, because that is parked in the carshed. Iam driving the car that Iam driving..I mean..I am driving the car that Iam driving and not the car that is parked in the carshed, because it is parked in the carshed. And my sister is not my sister..I mean..my sister is my sister..er..she is my cousin sister."

My thinking was beginning to work, still a little slow though, but working alright.

"Ok, I believe you. Just wanted to know if you all would like to go for a boat ride which I have arranged. I also have brought 3 bottles of J & B whiskey".

He might have said he brought three bottles of trouble with him. The trouble with a person like me who flirts with and dates trouble in his free time, is that trouble may not look like trouble at all. Three bottles of J & B was too tempting to let go.

"I shall ring up others and let you know when we can all get to meet".

Two days later, we all met up. My car had developed some trouble and I had to borrow Hrishi's bike to get to rendezvous. I also had a few errands to do, one of which book some tickets for a movie for parents and two cousins who had come down to visit them and also their return tickets by train.

So after dropping Hrishi with Govindan and Cherian, I took the long ride to the railway station to book tickets for my cousins. Inspite of Hrishi's warning, I had consumed a few rounds of J & B just so my bike ride too and fro would be smooth and enjoyable. After booking the tickets at the railway station, I rode off to the movie theatre to book tickets. So far, so good.

Coming out of the theatre, I noticed something wrong with the bike. It had ceased to look familiar. I wasn't very sure if it was the drinks that did it but as a man who was capable of both slow and quick thinking, I was not going to be flustered by such trivia. I got on to my quick thinking mode and I phoned Hrishi and checked the bike number. My eyes were not deceiving me. This was not Hrishi's bike.

It seemed like someone had left his bike there and took Hrishi's instead. I immediately switched to slow thinking mode and considered whether to go to the police. Slowly it dawned on me,[ a phenomenon associated with slow thinking, i.e., things dawn on you only a little slowly] to report the matter to the police. They came along with me to the movie theatre and took the bike in and now, my quick thinking told me that it was only a matter of time before police nabbed the guy who took Hrishi's bike.

And I joined up with the rest of the gang and wow!! we had a whale of a time. We were so drunk that getting home was posing to be a big problem. I swung back and forth from slow to quick thinking, but to no avail. I had forgotten where my house was. I knew it was somewhere in PTP Nagar. We drove around the colony a few times and still no sign of my house. Finally, we decided to ask someone if he knew where I was staying.

"Excuse me, Sir. Would you, by any chance, know where the house of this guy named Venugopal Unnikrishnan is ?"

"Venugopal Unnikrishnan?"

"Yes..Unugopal Annikrishn...I mean. Venugopal Unnikrishnan".

"What does he do?"

"You mean, right now?"

"No, where does he work?"


I had forgotten that too. Now I was suffering from arthritis of the brain. No such thing as slow or quick thinking happened. In fact, I couldn't think at all. But that kind person could understand the dilema I was in.

"Could you pls tell me what this..Unugop...er..Venugopal Unnikrishnan looks like?"

This time my quick thinking side of my brain answered so quickly that I could actually hear myself say it again.

"He looks like me."

"In fact, he looks exactly like him", Chipped in Hrishi.

And that is when jeep full of policemen drove up. They came straight to the point.

"Are you the mutt that filed the complaint about someone mistakenly taking your bike away?"

"Yes Sir, that was me".

"Did you go to the railway station for something?"

"Yes, I did".

"You drunken fleabag!! You left your bike at the railway station and took someone else bike from there, rode it up to the movie theatre. Coming out of the theatre, you thought someone had mistakenly taken your bike and filed a complaint with us. Now, we are taking you in for drunken driving and stealing someone else's bike".

I looked around for help. Govindan, Hrishi and Cherian were nowhere to be seen and disappeared into the void. It was that or I had gone blind.

I spent next two days at the police station, until the other guy, whose bike I had whisked away, under the influence of whiskey withdrew the police case.

I have not seen Govindan since then. I heard from Hrishi, that he took the next flight back to USA and Hrishi and Cherian still haven't stopped talking and laughing about it.