Cherian in birthday suit

When I think about the past, how more than half my life went by, in a jiffy, I wonder if I would have made any difference to it if I had a chance to have a go at it again. I might not even take the offer at all. You are not going to believe this...one of the reasons is Cherian, my best friend. If I got another chance to redeem myself , that would mean that Cherian would also get another chance and he may use it to change himself radically from the person that he is now. Now what is life without an occassional dose of Cherian? He has become as addictive as your regular bed coffee. You know very well that coffee is not good for you , though it is ok in small doses. I have had people give varied opinions about Cherian , as myriad as, " I didn't know what a headache looked like until I met cherian" or " you do not miss headaches however frequent they were, now do you?", when they were asked a simple question such as "would you miss Cherian if he went away for a long time?".

Cherian hails from the Great Royal family of the "Perumals". His great great great grandfather was called King Cheran [King Cheraman Perumal fame]. But when the advent of Christianity came with St.Xavier visiting Kerala in the early 500AD, King Cheran converted to Christianity [ that was the kind of thing in vogue at that time] and made a minor change to his name...i.e.,
he became King Cher[i]an.

What makes Cherian so unique, is the way he reacts to things. He considers himself an incurable romantic. Yet, when this lovely girl, in engineering college, asked him, " Cheian dear, may I hold your hand?", Cherian absent mindedly replied, " no, it is not heavy, I shall hold it myself..". Now that hurt...I mean that hurt like hell. Not many girls dared to give Cherian a caressing glance
with a romatic eye, ever after. Cherian was thought to be rude and sarcastic, but we, the close friends, know it is not true. Another thing about Cherian is that if you asked him the same question three times, you would get three different answers. Lalu Mangal, who is currrently engaged in the uphill task of teaching Cherian to play guitar, begs to differ. " Four", he says, " because he is square". Now that is rude, coming from the guru himself.

Now, let me knock of the bull...t and come to the point. Why wouldn't I want a go at redeeming myself, if I got a chance? Like I told ya earlier, Cherian would also change himself and with it all fun in life. From the days when we were in school, Cherian was always there to butt in anywhere with his ready-mix of jokes or he would be butt of the joke, himself. Nothing funny ever happened, without Cherian starring in it. You name it, Cherian has done it. And he excelled in all sports and games too. He is credited with scoring four goals playing a cricket match against the 'B' batch, in Govt.Arts College. He scored the first goal when the ball he threw at the stumps, hit the wicket keeper on the head that knocked him out for the rest of the season, the second when he swung his bat to hit a sixer even before the bowler released the ball and got bowled out, the third when stopped a square drive, catching the ball in his mouth, the fourth when he stopped the ball at the "slips" and ran with the ball to the other end beating the batsman to it, but failing to stump him out [ he forgot... he thought he was doing a 100m dash]. And he sings too. But do not ever ask Lalu Mangal , his opinion. If you asked him, , his answer would be something like," Pigs might fly!!".

Now here is a story about Cherian which still does the rounds in the friend's circle. It is called Cherian in birthday suit. Ofcourse it was not same dress which he wore on november 9th, 1960. Iam so sorry if I coveyed such an impression. Of course, Cherian still wears the same outfit, only it is a bit crumpled and stretched, as though it needed a bit of pressing and ironing badly. This story does not refer to that particular dress of his, but another one which he received as birthday gift.

This happenend way back in college when Cherian started to learn to play guitar from Lalu Mangal. Needless to say, his outfit wasn't as shabby as it is now, it had a glow and gleam to it, with all the daily massage and cleaning it was subjected to. And he hoped to impress a few female hearts with his deft work of fingers, of course on the guitar strings [ what else did you think?].

Lalu was an ideal choice of a guitar guru. For one, he did not charge any fees and did not mind if Cherian occassionally [once a day] broke the guitar strings. He attacked the strings with a vengence, tearing at it sometimes, enraged by its refusal to produce any sound that remotely resembled anything he called "moosik". Lalu had to put up with not only the cacophonic flatulence emnated from the guitar, but also all the verbal diarrhea cherian's fury unleashed, as well. And he would remark thus, sometimes. " There is no point in teaching you anything, Cherian. Whatever I say goes in one ear and out the other ear, because there is nothing in between to stop them". Now we used to call him fat headed, but this void and emptiness Lalu referred to was never noticed by any of us.

Cherian did not have much time at his command. He was supposed to play guitar for one of the musical functions to be held at Kovalam beach. He was confident he could, though Lalu's comments like "that will be the day" were not exactly very encouraging. One more thing bothered Cherian. What if the guitar strings broke again, while he was playing on stage? He may not look it, but to be prepared for any eventualiy was Cherian, if not anything else. He ordered for some guitar strings, to be brought from England. He was very happy to know that his cousin in England bought, in an auction, guitar strings used by none other than the famous actress and singer, Barbara Streissand. Cherian proudly announced to everyone this fact. He could hardly contain himself. He told everyone to be present for his birthday, which happened to the day before day of college day celebrations, so he could show everyone this special gift.

We all reached Cherian's house at the appointed time and there was Cherian waving this package covered with a very brightly coloured paper. In front of about 100 of his friends, Cherian unwrapped the packet. And pulled out what looked like anything but guitar strings. It was an elastic band which had a few strange looking attachements made of very thin cloth.

"Those are G-Strings!!! Proabably worn by Barbara Streissand when she strutted around the beaches", someone yelled loudly. Until then I had never seen G-Strings in my life. I do not recall anyone using one either. Cherian grew livid with rage and confronted his cousin for playing the worst ever prank possible. But his cousin insisted that this was what Cherian had ordered and showed the letter Cherian send him.

"Dear Biju, I am due to appear in a function, to be held at Kovalam beach, clad as smartly as possible and even play git..er..this musical instrument. Could you send me some Gi...er G strings so I can use them in case I need them?"

Cherian could not spell guitar right and so he cut short the word guitar strings to g strings and I think he never expected to receive a piece of clothing that can be comfortably folded and packed in a match box.
All said and done, he is a great friend who will stand by through thick and thin [and it is not the reason why he is called thick headed, period], a real buddy to all who care to try and understand the complex personality, that is Cherian.